27/09/2014 Sembawang Dog Park

As all dog lovers might have know... a new dog park has officially opened! It's really heartening to know the government and authorities have taken note of the need for our furry friends to have their own space to make friends and enjoy themselves. Well, all the north-ners are now able to hang out together without the need to travel far for their furry friends to enjoy. Yes, I'm talking about the newly opened SEMBAWANG PARK. 

As you can see, Teddy enjoys the DOG PARK A LOT. I think this is the first time we see her chasing other dogs. But she's still pretty reserved and lazy! After running around for 10 minutes and exploring 1/10 of the dog park... she would rest under the bench for the rest of the time and oblivious to all the things happening around her. It's pretty wonderful that Teddy gets to meet a chow-spitz. Hopefully, we get to meet more chow chows to see Teddy's reaction. :) 

Do take note the dog park closes at night! So be sure to bring your furry friends around morning to evening. It's sad that they didn't build any water facilities in the dog park... Hopefully they would enhance the place and build more benches and dog obstacles for both owners and dogs. The park is about 2,700sqm! Unlike Bishan Dog Park, sembawang only has one area for all dogs to run around. 
Other than that, I also wished to see more dog cafes opening to make the place more vibrant and dog-friendly.

Teddy says bye!!!

26/03/2014 F for ...

I wonder what friends mean. 

From the internet,

a. a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

I kind of forgotten how it feels like to have a good friend to understand you inside out. People come and go. That's true. But certain people just lives in your memory without leaving an inch. Maybe I'm too emotional. I do miss someone a lot as a friend. As I grow up, it's really sad to accept people leaving and how our life paths are going in divergence. It's getting further and further, I can't seemed to find anything common between us anymore. I don't know what to say. 

26/09/2014 Better Days to Come

Few weeks back, I was fretting about getting a job and not hearing from any organizations. Yet, right now... I am worrying about going for interviews. How interesting life works? Things happen exactly when you least expects it. I'm really thankful because I signed up with an agency accidentally and my job agent was able to link me up with different organizations immediately. I am working in the healthcare sector, thus I would definitely recommend any one who is looking for a job and finds it hard to really sign up with an agency. I'm unsure about if other jobs are that straightforward. I find that it is much easier, fuss-free and convenient to connect with an agent. My agent was extremely friendly and approachable. It also depends partially on your qualification and match with the job you applied for. For the next few weeks, I would be going for more interviews. Fingers crossed that I would do well and live a good impression with the HR and department head. :)

Beautiful piece of art piece I saw at Ion. Really loved it... but I have no idea why. Probably because the empty portion represents how I feel right now. Somehow... I always felt that some part of my life is missing and I'm holding on to a luggage in search of those pieces to fill up. It may be spiritual, it may be love... but I'm unsure. Life just feels incomplete. Actually, that's life. Maybe we would always be in search of something that cannot be found. 

Another beautiful art piece I saw at NUH. I just find this eco-green idea and architect blending well into the building. I loved how it made the place feels relaxed and calming. A place where you can ponder about life.

Set lunch from Ma Maison.

 I really enjoy the serenity of being able to break away from the busy hours of life and just tucked myself into this cozy cafe. I also loved the interior design of Ma Maison. It makes me feel as if I'm in a countryside cafe. I've learnt to appreciate small things in between life as it comes along. 

11/09/2014 Truth once in awhile...

Once in awhile,  I get really affected when I know of the truth and how my perceptions clashes with it. This is definitely not the first time, and am still highly affected emotionally. I dislike myself being like this. I want to bring myself out of this emotional state but I couldn't. I wished I could speak to someone who understands how I feel but I can't. I wished I could do something about it but I can't. I wished I could stop it but I can't. I feel so helpless cause it's out of my control to how other people do things especially people you love. I hate all these things but I can't do anything about it. I can only hide. You are not the same person I know anymore. I can't remember who you are to me?

15/08/2014 Last Minute Of Judgement

3 week of my unofficial graduate have passed. I am officially getting bored, bored, bored. I've never really told anyone what I have in mind yet. Actually, I am confused myself. On one hand, I have to work because I have to pay my school loans. On the other side, I just am unsure of what I want in life. This is probably the result of our education in Singapore and what many other faces right after they graduate. I am not saying the majority of Singaporeans are like me, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. My parents/My school/My blah blah blah used to say I have to get a degree, graduate, get a good job/life. The outcome of this... staying stuck and unhappy for the rest of your life. Many don't really question what makes them happy and passionate. I am feeling so frustrated because after 18 years of education, I have no idea what I have learnt or want in life. I am left feeling lost, like what's next? The real fact is that I have been letting others direct my life. I have never experienced anything that truly ignite a sparks or passion in my life (social work, maybe once or twice?) 

Then again, it doesn't mean I have no dream or aspiration. It happens that they are really fleeting and I truly question if I love any of them. By writing down, I hope I narrow down what I really want and be. 

When I was 5, I wanted to be a SINGER. 

When I was 6, I wanted to be a TEACHER.

When I was 9, I wanted to be a FASHION DESIGNER.

When I was 12, I wanted to be an ARTIST.

When I was 16, I wanted to be a KOREAN IDOL. 

When I was 16, I wanted to be a CHILDCARE TEACHER.

When I was 17-20, I felt really lost. 

When I was 21, I wanted to be a SOCIAL WORKER. 

When I was 22, I wanted to be a whatever-job-position-that-makes-me-rich.

When I was 5, I wanted to be a SINGER.

- Whenever I sing, the glass breaks. 

When I was 6, I wanted to be a TEACHER.

- I really enjoyed role-playing as a teacher and tuition my siblings. Probably because I'm the oldest and smarter. 

When I was 9, I wanted to be a FASHION DESIGNER.

- I love drawing. I started playing with those paper cut barbie dolls when you can change their outfits. I would have a sketchbook and draw all my dresses design in it. Wished I kept them though. :'( They were lost in the shop. Truth is, I told my parents I wanted to be a designer, but they told me to be realistic and become doctor/lawyer... . Designer doesn't get you far.

When I was 13, I wanted to be an ARTIST.

- I scored pretty well in ART. Yes, art don't get you far and nobody appreciates what you draw unless you're smart. 

When I was 15, I wanted to be a INTERIOR DESIGNER. 

- I was super fascinated by the beautiful homes you see overseas. I would read books and magazines about home, played online games to design your own room. I would draw and study home plan. 

I stopped telling anyone about my dreams because people shoot down whatever you say. I've learnt the hard truth, even the people closest to you. They are not supportive. It's a lie when they say your parents support whatever you do. I dare to bet that my parents would not support my education if I were to study in NAFA. 

When I was 16, I wanted to be a KOREAN IDOL. 

- Yes, I was obsessed with K-WAVE. Speak about TVXQ. I am a hard-core KPOP FAN. 

When I was 16, I wanted to be a CHILDCARE TEACHER.

- Wow, little did I know I had to make a decision soon. My O Level result weren't that bad, it could bring me quite a lot of place. I told my parents I wanted to study childcare at Ngee Ann Polytechnic but they told me to try studying at JC. So I did. Unfortunately, I got into Nanyang Junior College. Rest is history. 

When I was 17-20, I felt really lost. 

- During my JC years were the darkest period of my life, I didn't know what I was doing and all the time I was unhappy. I was crying almost every night, regretting my decision each and everyday. I still remember vividly the first day I came back from JC crying, telling my parents I want to quit. There were times during my JC years when I woke up from my sleep in tears, not remembering what I was doing for that two years. I wanted that memory to disappear so much. I really didn't want to acknowledge this part of my life. Maybe the pain was too unbearable. 

When I was 21, I wanted to be a SOCIAL WORKER. 

- After I entered church, met many nice cell leaders who inspire me especially one particular leader. To be honest, I have chosen social worker because I failed to meet the criteria for my psychology exposure module. As simple as that, doors were shutting because I ain't smart enough to qualify. It wasn't that bad. I enjoyed social work modules and looked forward to each and every one of them because they teach me a lot whether it's the professor, clients, fieldtrips, projects and etc... . Through social work, I have also met lots of wonderful friends who are so inspiring and lovely. 

When I was 22, I wanted to be a whatever-job-position-that-makes-me-rich.

- After graduated, I really have no idea what I want do. As much as I want to be become a social worker, which is obviously, the most ideal path... many factors are holding me back.

13/08/2014 12.14 P.M

How do I even start? So many things happened within a short span of half a year. I got so busy that I didn't have time to sit down and ponder about my next stage of life. You can say this is a major transition. I have officially graduated. And there's just so many thoughts filled in my mind. I feel so choked up with my own thoughts and emotions... . I wished I could escape from it but where can I go? Where do I even start? This abyss of darkness filled with my own emotions. I feel like I cannot climb out of it. Just two days after I handed up my portfolio, I actually wanted to cry because I am just so loss at what to do. Putting up my resume, sending them, going for interviews and etc... I just have no idea how to do all these are going to work out.

Have I given up on church? What does church comprises of? God, Faith? When I said I have given up, I have no concrete answer to what I have exactly given up? Is it my faith? My attendance? God? Because I have dedicated my whole youth into church and believing in everything spoken to my mind. I have now immensely struggled daily about my current perceptions and always questioning who I am, how I feel. It is difficult becoming a non-christian again. Imagine the embarrassment I have to go through when I see ex-church friends, cell group and people? Or maybe they don't bother about me either. Every day is a struggle about my own faith and perceptions of who I really am to how I want to set my boundaries to be. For example, being rich. Yes, I know I cannot serve two masters. God. or. Money. I know there are many exceptions and theories such as you still can have money but enough? Or God doesn't ask for you to be left with nothing because he provides. #Fliptomatthew Next, LGBT communties. Initially it was such a great struggle confronting this whole issue? I felt like the whole time I was being brainwashed to hold such an extreme stand. Now that I'm no longer a Christian, I'm starting to have such double standards and I hated myself. All the time, I kept thinking I was sinning and once I am accepting of them, I have committed a heinous crime. But yet again, I remind myself I am not. Now that I am seeing a lot of things in a new light and perspective, I am gaining a lot yet also losing.

Even throughout my whole span of Christian living, I have questioned my own purpose of existence. Still, no amount of prayers, bible-reading, seeking of God, fellowship could solve this mystery in me. This growing abyss of soul-searching has gone so much deeper. Nothing could fill it up. It dawned on me how people around the world can actually live without knowing what their purpose is?

06/07/2014 July Eats.

 After 'working', it seemed that life after work becomes essential and an utmost importance to keep one from burning out. Despite being an extreme financially poor student, how can one resist the need to self-care through all these sumptuous, delicious food that keeps one stomach/heart warm. All these comfort food... Guess I have to work my ass/body off to earn back all these money. Now I understand the importance of work-life balance. Working 8/9 hours a day and keeping to a mundane sleep schedule has made me realized how little time working adults have with family, friends and etc... the nature of work with hectic schedules of facing clients/patients is indeed draining both mentally and physically. Truth is that, when you reach home, you are left with 2 hours of alone time (aka Korean Soapy Drama Time) and then you're off to dreamland. This goes on for about 5 days. Even Friday are not spared because till then, you're probably so exhausted that all you really want is to pay that 15 hours sleep debt you owe. Having said all these, it made me appreciate and more initiative to take time to meet people around me who are important (includes Teddy). Despite being all tired and I am probably not paying attention to what people are saying, their presence makes a difference for me to rant about my workload and how work life is such a joy-killer. Then again, since I am an intern who is working my ass off to get my degree and fulfill the requirements which allow me to earn a very meager income of $2800? (Damn poor thing) Whatever I have described may not be a true reflection in work life since I am not financially paid and I have so much extra works to do during weekends.

I am talking too much, let pictures do the rest.

21/06/2014 How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

How do we go about this? There are countless, boring posts I have posted about the meaning of life and how I'm on a constant search about all these meaningless pursuit of understanding my own existence on this earth. When people lost that essence of why they are living and what they are living for... death is seemingly a most rationale choice. When I die, I leave behind nothing but broken hearts for people around me (probably my parents). I have no idea why I am here. I feel so empty. I feel that I am just a good-for-nothing. People can tell you everything... but they cannot make you change how you feel about yourself. Many times I have been challenged, I wished I was stronger, I wished I was more courageous. I wished I could overcome all these negativity. Am I really that bad? Self-doubt and criticisms are the worst enemy of hope. They kills. Even shopping become boring for me. Growing to become so old and understanding the dark side of life and questioning my self, my faith. It's like the world keep tumbling down. Do I even have anything, a small tiny seed of hope for me to believe in? Sometimes, I'm not afraid of dying. It feels like no hope to live in nor do I see myself long enough on this earth to so many sufferings, countless of heartbreaks. Used to believe maybe I can even have hope of finding a good husband and someone to lean in... each day... my hope is fading away and maybe I could just leave without finding someone that finds me worthy. I think I have lived long enough to know this life is terrible... Maybe I could just leave without working.

01/06/2014 JUNE.XX

Hello, June! It's amazing how time flies and I'm 3 weeks into my internship. I have been experiencing so much, both in my personal life and work life. It is hard to balance between both but I am learning. Time management is still an issue, but I acknowledge that I am still trying and not giving up. Recently, I got a chance to talk to one of my colleague who challenged me and sorta counselled me in my personal life. I am still trying to make sense of everything in my life, especially given that I have to make a choice in a few weeks time. It scares me sometimes to accept that I am probably gonna be in another phase of my life and I am certainly not psychologically prepared. What I've gotten through is I have commitment issue and I am afraid of the future. For some inner psychological reason, I do agree to some extent that these are one of my fears. Life is all about "waddling through murky water". I keep looking back at all the times where things are safe and comfortable. I can't seemed to live in the present.

01/06/2014 Hello June/Habitat Cafe

Habitat Cafe

It's June and off to a good start... even though it gives me jitters knowing there's work tomorrow. Finally tried Habitat Cafe after it has been around for so long! Ordered the truffle fries which was crispy and tasty. The portion was generous and pretty worth it ($8)! Their Eggs Tomato Relish ($15) is fulfilling. The texture of the rummy eggs mixed with the goodness of tomatoes, baby spinach and bacon was a perfect match! Bread were also toasted to perfect crisp. I felt it was better to share this with friends since you'll feel a little full towards the third bread. Next, we ordered the cappuccino ($4.90) and chocolate ($4.90). The coffee art is pretty impressive. :) The overall ambiance was great and perfect to chill whether weekday or weekends. Furthermore, there is no GST or service charge which is a great news! I would say the standard and quality of food is justifiable for its price.  

P.S: I am not a food blogger. Just sharing what I've eaten.