26/04/2014 ... 寻找ing

Soon... I'll be graduating. I'm getting mixed feelings about it. Every decision come with a price and consequence. And I guess, I'll have to swallow that. It feels kind of empty deep down without going church. Honestly, I've already forgotten why I stopped going. Probably is that guilt, sins, inadequacy that stops me from doing so. I guess shit happens. Honestly, it feels kind of sucks that things ain't doing well for me... like all along. I wonder about my presence. Maybe if I put in a lil' more faith in myself and had more confidence about what I am doing. I'm at a cross road... Should I go back or should I find a new church? This would meant starting all over again and having to get used to a whole load of things. Going back would meant that I would have to explain for all my actions, and things would probably never be the same again. What would people think of me?... I'm just being myself and this needs to change. Not the first time I'm leaving. Such a bad habit. It's as equally as uncertain. I should probably start praying and ask God for directions. Felt as though I'm abandoned.

06/04/2014 人生的起起落落

应该是最后一次的难过，失望。在这一切一切的发生...我开始接受自己...并不是找到自己而是发掘内心的脆弱。要在每一次失败中，找到自己。每一次的过错，饶恕，原谅自己。看到自己的内心...对自己更好。我战胜不过自己的软弱，讨厌这样的自己。曾经那么相信自己，那么想要证明自己，我不明白现在我活着的意义... 也许当一个人找不到活着的理由...人生变的毫无目的...感觉消失也许也不错！