31/03/2013 HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY!

HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY EVERYONE! 

Time to give thanks to God for everything He has done for us! Thank you God! You are so amazing! Your grace and mercy in the lives of us! Really no words can describe! 

Weeks before Easter, I was given the task of organizing and planning another event for the teens! To be truthful, I was dreading it. Who wouldn't? I planned the event for 2 consecutive years... But this year it is something different, God is with us. There were 3 salvation, 1 open to knowing God, and 17 guests! All glory to God! I really learnt a lot through this event! Struggling between work, projects, my own life, planning for the teens. It wasn't a smooth road until you become a leader yourself. Somehow after this, I am more optimistic about the merging, and the life of these teenagers. I see so much potential in them, and I believe they will grow in their walk with the Lord. Praise the Lord for working in all of our lives. 

Here are some pictures from my phone! Will update more group photos when Melvin is done with all of them! 

22/03/2013 Just Another Deadline

Rushing another deadline... I'm so worn out or maybe I'm not? Ok, I must admit there have been time where I let loose myself and just slacked for a day. After this I will try to update all my pictures here... ! 加油... Just 2 more projects, 2 more deadlines and endless mugging.

31/03/2013
Well, sometimes, I feel myself caring so much about how others think about me... maybe I shouldn't right? Really. People are not important. God is.

20/03/2013 We Can Learn To Love Again

Can we? These few days, I have been feeling weird about myself entering another phase of adulthood. It seemed like I am losing myself, yet gaining in a way. I am definitely more mature and etc...but I don't find myself happier. I have everything but I just feel so unhappy. Maybe as we grow up, our friends are all busy and they have their own lives. I try so hard, or maybe noo... I don't know... I can't seem to find back the happiness I used to have.

19/03/2013 HAPPY 21ST TO ME!

9/03/2012 And it all starts with a fear of God...

Recent posts might feel extremely religious, but indeed, Jesus is the reason why I am alive. His grace is really more than what I deserve. Today, I was really touched by the God's harsh words. Whoever He loves, He disciplines. Receiving forgiveness for sin is really letting light into your life, and not allow the devil to have a foothold in your life. I finally felt a sense of relief. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of because when I confess, I am healed. Recently, I have been hearing God's presence in my life. So many little things, yet He just blesses me. I really need to start obeying His words, even though they sound seemingly ridiculous. Yes! The great immeasurable power that He has given us! Actually I was feeling really down having to run late, and getting drenched by the rain. This planning of TGIF really wears me down, and I'm really unsure if the teens were understanding what I say. Sometimes, I do feel like they are just fooling around, like really not paying attention. After all, they are teens right? How serious am I when I was like 15? Anyway, coming back... I was really crying and feeling depressed about every single stress and how overwhelmed by the work and deadlines I have to submit. Throughout the sermon, I was real tired and having a sinking feeling. I don't know why but Pastor Khong's word just kept ringing in my head. Before worship, I told God... You better speak to me. Really, I don't know what God did but every single sentence Ps Khong was like tailor made to how I felt. I just thought there are no reason to procrastinate anymore. I have been letting the opportunities and chances slip so many times already! This time, I really have to go up because I've never felt God spoke to me so personal. It cuts right through my heart. He knows my heart, my fear. When I went forward weeping, the intercessor prayed for me. Even though I wasn't listening to her at all because I was crying. I just felt the Lord telling me that He honors my heart for coming forward, and it is indeed the fear of God that drove me to leave my seat, coming all the way down, feeling so shaken. When I walked down, I could have turned back but I really don't want to run away from the problem anymore. God, He is so merciful! Praise God! :) Getting right with Him is the best decision of my life!

09/03/2013 Things We Do Not Understand

Looking at the amount of deadlines that I have. It's really feel so suppressed. What's worst, I need to plan my birthday. It feels really sucky having to do everything alone and all. Honestly, I kinda regretted saying I want to celebrate. All I really want right now is to lie down on my bed with zero worries. I don't really know how the party will go. Maybe it will sucked. Maybe nobody will turn up. Maybe yeah... I really so kinda regret having say I wanted. Honestly, who would want to celebrate my birthday? Maybe it's my insecurity or the worst fear of what happened last year... this may be the last time I want to celebrate. 

Last year, I just went to the beach and celebrated it alone. Still have to take mrt and bus. Just plain depressing.

This year, I said I wanted to celebrate, but surely is it my own desire or my own selfishness? Seeing so many other people have their 21st birthday parties... it definitely put the pressure on me. Yes, I want everyone to be happy for me on that particular day, like I'm finally 21. But deep down, what I'm feeling is this scary feeling. Most of the time, I feel no one appreciates my presence, like it doesn't make a difference. Maybe even if I'm gone, life goes on for everyone. Actually, I'm so insecure. I'm so afraid like if the number of turn ups sucks. I'm so scared that I'm a bad host. I'm really not that important to people, and thus they won't turn up. I worry too much, but it's true. Maybe it will be a failure. Maybe I'm really a nobody. Sometimes, no matter how hard I've tried, I really wonder if I had made an impact on someone else's life. I don't really know who I am to people around me. Do they really know me? I always got a feeling that I'm the second choice. Anytime, I may be kicked out of places. I'm not funny, entertaining, pretty, clever... Well, shouldn't be bothering about all these at this timing but yes... I'm feeling so dejected. I've never had a birthday party, not really expecting anyone should do anything. But it feels nothing like having to plan all these and thinking nobody will turn up! I'm just probably thinking too much! 

I really should worry about my deadlines.