01/05/2012 Let May Be A Different Month

I know each month, we would all say... Yay! March, please be good to me and etc...
Honestly, how many of us stick to our new year resolutions! I can't even remember if I have one, but well looking back, I do feel that 2011 has been an eventful year so far even though it is a period of transitions, and we all have our fair share of ups and downs. But I certainly stepped out and did things beyond what I could imagine. Thank the Lord! Now that May is here! It seemed really fast! Half a year past, and I finally realised I am being left behind by everything or rather everyone else. I feel like I am stepping backward instead of moving forward. Everything has been stable, and even though life is tough, dealing with academic pressures and the poor motivation. Worst, when you grow up, life don't give you a second chance. Screw it and that's it. But well, at least I want it to be different this holiday. Even though I might not be doing anything big or whatsoever, I want it to be meaningful. I want some soul-searching and changes. The idea of growing up ain't easy. Maybe I will take the risk, go out and meet more new people. Be brave and face challenges. I know God will bless me. Life definitely ain't easy, but mine hasn't been bad thus far. It is more of a grateful journey, for all that He has blessed me and not. Let's look on the brighter side of life. Changes and many have been made, therefore accepting His will because God has a bigger plans for me. I believe God, I am here for a reason. There are many things that I would like to do! I won't look down on myself. I know something within me, is more than what others perceive me to be. I know everyone I love and love me knows I am more than that. Sometimes, I wonder why I think so little of myself. Anyway, just realised how much I love love love my church friends. They are always so positive, encouraging, and whatever I have in mind, I can always share with them even though I don't always share much but I still appreciate the encouragement and love they have given me throughout. Every week, seeing them and going to church was one thing I truly treasure and look forward to. However upset I am, I can always tell God. Just so thankful for a great, almighty God that speaks to deeply to me and love me. God, thank you for trusting in me when I have nothing to give except this heart of mine. I give you my heart, I give you my soul, I live for you alone. I owed this life to you, and no one else. Nobody deserves a bigger, greater praise. I think I need more goals in my life! So I could start taking small steps, towards a bigger dream.


May I should plan for a summer trip to a beach place! :) It's always been what I've wanted.

27/04/2012 Escaping Reality

17/04/2012 Spell Narcissism

I'm sorry, I can't get a hold of myself after getting an iphone4S! ;)
I presume nobody reads my blog anyway!

17/04/2012 Writing To Scare Myself

 Losing motivation is not something to be cheered about. I am LOSING MOTIVATION! Don't you hate it when yesterday you are full of motivation, and all so ready to give all out to do well! I really hate it! But I'm so tired, and I feel so breathless. Well, not exactly tired, I'm just so unwilling to work! What's happening? Blame it on my laziness! I feel so lazy! I'm always feeling extremely lazy! Like 24/7... always wanting to try short cut but guess what... Life is not all about short cut at all! It's about going the long way just to earn your way to the top! I so want to just slack while earning $. I guess a degree is just something I do it out of a credential society! Well, it's always a backup, like a pillow! Something I can fall on! Sometimes, I do love studying, but it's so tiring! I mean having the need to memorise, I mean I know it's about understanding and applying... but so what? When we go out to work, all these things are just mere tip of the ice berg knowledge, the real life situation is so different, and what you need is just experience. After all, gaining experience can allow you to apply what you have learnt aptly. Despite this being a knowledge-based economy, it's really tiring. Every single day, you go to the library, and you see tons of people, whether old or young, all studying really hard. Is it public university or what... it seemed so tough? Do you think it is easier like maybe private university? It is really so tough that I want to die. Everyday seemed pretty breathless to me! The intense amount of stress is like some toxic poisonous gas choking me each day. I know soon... all these will be over but I can't help but it's KILLING ME! To study and compressed everything within a short span of 13 weeks, damn you school! It's forgiveable if I am taking one or two module, but NO, it is 4 module packed together! University is really really stressful! Sometime, I really regret. Since young, I totally have no idea of going into a university. Never really knew what was going on inside, until I finally get a taste of this flesh ripping sensation... not to the extent like heart break but it is just suffocating. It's like this hand grabbing my neck, forcing me to study. Guess what? I hate being forced the most. Since young, nobody ever forced me to do anything and now I have to give in to my future... ! DAMN IT! I feel so tight... SO CHOKED.

14/04/2012 Pictures at the Beach!

Pictures at the beaches! Just wondering what will be holding for us in the future? As sing yuen leaves us to another cell, what about us? It seemed like we are being left behind like slaughtered sheep? Our future is so uncertain... It's not even full of hope. It has been stagnant throughout. And nothing has been done to it.

10/04/2012 Why am I still single?

Why am I still single?For 47 % you are: You are looking for Mr. Right; you want the One. You want someone to marry and have kids with and have moonlit dinners and perfect dates. You won't find him until you stop looking. See, when you like someone, you like only him. No guy in this world stands a chance; you fall head over heels, and when your heart gets broken, you're down for days. Try someone totally unexpected; try looking away from your dazzling fantasies about how perfect life will be. Right now, you're too picky, and you're overlooking lots of other guys who like you. And trust me; they like you. You're someone they can really talk to, and you could so have a boyfriend if you gave those others a chance. Go for it!

So TRUE!!!

10/04/2012 RUN&RAISIN' PHOTOS

 We act scheeply! Have to reach super early, but in the end we ran around 9am?

We DID IT! :)

10/04/2012 Baby, just say Goodnight.

They say, Time can Heal.
I know it's not easy... after all, it's not like we loved each other for a day or two. It's unsaid feelings for years, and even up till you enter ns and blah blah blah. Maybe, I'm like really stupid or what. I remembered you said if we could go back before you enter. I was naive, like really, somehow. I don't know why I just can't let you go after so many years... Actually it's not that many years, because we somehow still text each other, but we just know it's not the same anymore. Not the 'Hi darling, Good morning, & I really miss you today.' It is the 'Oh Hi, how are you doing? I'm fine.'kind of mundane text! I still miss you a lot. (why am I saying this?!!?) I meant ... I kind of figured it out that you're just an imaginary which I sort of imagined to be very nice, lovey, dovey, still loving me but no... I made up all these, thinking we could be back and all... It's different already. You've move on which I'm sure you did after going through all these trainings, and rather spend your time on better things than on me. Maybe, you've matured and all which I'm pretty proud of you if you do! But, things just ain't the same anymore. Well, it's not like we would meet and reconcile and be back together. From the start, something weren't right already. I don't even know why we could last this long. It's so unfortunate we got into such a twirl of mess. We didn't start, neither did we end. After so long, and being in university for quite some time... I guess it made me moved on in a way or two. Even though I didn't get a new guy... but it's like something in me just slowly fade away. Maybe being buried deep down. Sometime, I just wonder if I can love someone else again. You know it's really not easy. Because what we had was a mess, and given a chance, I would definitely do something different about it. It's like I really would want to meet you, tell you I'm sorry if I ever did try to hurt you, and I know you wouldn't want to hurt me anyway. I'm such a living contradict right... I tell you not to text me anymore, then the next minute, I would be texting you! I guess, it's really time for me to move on. No matter how much I've given my life to you,... how much I want to tell you my problems, to share with you... You just won't get it. You just won't understand what I am going through. Even if maybe maybe maybe we do see each other, I will still smile and say hi, and I hope it won't freaking stir up some 'I want you back' feelings. Now that I'm fully devoting my time to myself, and God, and people I love, I really do hope I grow to my fullest, to all that I can. make the best out of myself, tap into my own potential and etc... I don't want to disappoint myself. I think the best way to forget you, is to love others more than how much I want to love you, and what I am willing to do for you.