Monday, April 9, 2012

10/04/2012 Baby, just say Goodnight.


They say, Time can Heal.
I know it's not easy... after all, it's not like we loved each other for a day or two. It's unsaid feelings for years, and even up till you enter ns and blah blah blah. Maybe, I'm like really stupid or what. I remembered you said if we could go back before you enter. I was naive, like really, somehow. I don't know why I just can't let you go after so many years... Actually it's not that many years, because we somehow still text each other, but we just know it's not the same anymore. Not the 'Hi darling, Good morning, & I really miss you today.' It is the 'Oh Hi, how are you doing? I'm fine.'kind of mundane text! I still miss you a lot. (why am I saying this?!!?) I meant ... I kind of figured it out that you're just an imaginary which I sort of imagined to be very nice, lovey, dovey, still loving me but no... I made up all these, thinking we could be back and all... It's different already. You've move on which I'm sure you did after going through all these trainings, and rather spend your time on better things than on me. Maybe, you've matured and all which I'm pretty proud of you if you do! But, things just ain't the same anymore. Well, it's not like we would meet and reconcile and be back together. From the start, something weren't right already. I don't even know why we could last this long. It's so unfortunate we got into such a twirl of mess. We didn't start, neither did we end. After so long, and being in university for quite some time... I guess it made me moved on in a way or two. Even though I didn't get a new guy... but it's like something in me just slowly fade away. Maybe being buried deep down. Sometime, I just wonder if I can love someone else again. You know it's really not easy. Because what we had was a mess, and given a chance, I would definitely do something different about it. It's like I really would want to meet you, tell you I'm sorry if I ever did try to hurt you, and I know you wouldn't want to hurt me anyway. I'm such a living contradict right... I tell you not to text me anymore, then the next minute, I would be texting you! I guess, it's really time for me to move on. No matter how much I've given my life to you,... how much I want to tell you my problems, to share with you... You just won't get it. You just won't understand what I am going through. Even if maybe maybe maybe we do see each other, I will still smile and say hi, and I hope it won't freaking stir up some 'I want you back' feelings. Now that I'm fully devoting my time to myself, and God, and people I love, I really do hope I grow to my fullest, to all that I can. make the best out of myself, tap into my own potential and etc... I don't want to disappoint myself. I think the best way to forget you, is to love others more than how much I want to love you, and what I am willing to do for you.

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