Losing motivation is not something to be cheered about. I am LOSING MOTIVATION! Don't you hate it when yesterday you are full of motivation, and all so ready to give all out to do well! I really hate it! But I'm so tired, and I feel so breathless. Well, not exactly tired, I'm just so unwilling to work! What's happening? Blame it on my laziness! I feel so lazy! I'm always feeling extremely lazy! Like 24/7... always wanting to try short cut but guess what... Life is not all about short cut at all! It's about going the long way just to earn your way to the top! I so want to just slack while earning $. I guess a degree is just something I do it out of a credential society! Well, it's always a backup, like a pillow! Something I can fall on! Sometimes, I do love studying, but it's so tiring! I mean having the need to memorise, I mean I know it's about understanding and applying... but so what? When we go out to work, all these things are just mere tip of the ice berg knowledge, the real life situation is so different, and what you need is just experience. After all, gaining experience can allow you to apply what you have learnt aptly. Despite this being a knowledge-based economy, it's really tiring. Every single day, you go to the library, and you see tons of people, whether old or young, all studying really hard. Is it public university or what... it seemed so tough? Do you think it is easier like maybe private university? It is really so tough that I want to die. Everyday seemed pretty breathless to me! The intense amount of stress is like some toxic poisonous gas choking me each day. I know soon... all these will be over but I can't help but it's KILLING ME! To study and compressed everything within a short span of 13 weeks, damn you school! It's forgiveable if I am taking one or two module, but NO, it is 4 module packed together! University is really really stressful! Sometime, I really regret. Since young, I totally have no idea of going into a university. Never really knew what was going on inside, until I finally get a taste of this flesh ripping sensation... not to the extent like heart break but it is just suffocating. It's like this hand grabbing my neck, forcing me to study. Guess what? I hate being forced the most. Since young, nobody ever forced me to do anything and now I have to give in to my future... ! DAMN IT! I feel so tight... SO CHOKED.
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