12/04/2018 Becareful What You Wished For

Read off my last post which ended with #screwit #gonnagoswipegirlsrightnow. Life probably surprise people with what they wished for. I've prayed so hard in the past and it didn't happen but once I announce it on my zero viewership blog(okay, probably 1 human is reading it.), shit starts to get real.

2018 and I still can't get over this existential crisis shit since 2008. Perhaps. it's true... I may never find a satisfying answer. Or perhaps, only God know what's the best for me. Or even, life is about making the best out of each day. Well, we never know what happen for sure... and the best assurance we can is to live fully each day, knowing that it has not been wasted. Better to have loved and lived. 

30/07/2017 It's been awhile...

Life has been good.... (It terrifies me to write down such a statement because good things doesn't last forever, just like bad times... or bad things happen to happy people.) I've learnt to take life a pinch of salt.

Reflecting back, work has been fairly stable and I've worked my way through to better times ahead, gaining the trust of others, working on my attitudes and etc... . You work on things that you can change and allow others to witness the change within yourself.

Love... is still a struggle. A mystery. A gift I can never uncover. A happiness I can never experience. I've always thought how lucky are the ones that are deeply in love. I envy & I dream of it every single day. They say... some things can never be forced and I guess love is one of them. I can work hard for my job, I can work hard for my dreams but I just can't simply put down any actions to seek love. I can join as many dating apps, meeting many people but if the stars doesn't align, no sparks could happen. Oh God, I'm so frustrated & impatient... my eggs are screaming at me telling me that they are expiring soon. Yet, I cannot grab any random guys on the street and tell them to marry me. :'( #confessionsofasinglefrustratedwoman I know it's lame but many days, I just burst out crying, wondering why I'm single all these while. Well-meaning friends have told me that I would get someone that loves me for who I am... but how are they gonna know that when I don't have a single guy friend in my life. #screwit #gonnagoswipegirlsrightnow #tearingwhileitypethis

08/03/2016

It has been ages since I have decided to pen down my thoughts. There are certain days where I would like to grow up to face against my insecurities and envy. These are not Godly and I am fully aware that I should not feel this way. Work has been rough, especially in view of so many high case loads and difficult.

I think these are the days I should surrender to God... Also, I have not been doing anything productive. With that said, it is already March. I need injections in my life. :'( Growing up to be sad every single day.

03/05/2015 Trusting in Him again

It's been a while since I blogged. I used to blog about everything under the sun but as I grow older... things have changed and I have become so much more self-centered about my own needs and feelings. The main purpose of this post is really to ventilate and to declare, make a commitment to come back to God.


For the past one year, I have not been attending church. It's been such a long time that I hardly recall why I left in the first place. Having been attending church faithfully for four years or so... there were many times when I really doubted God, I doubted myself, I doubted the world, my self-existence. I couldn't reconcile with all the bible knowledge I had... I just couldn't. Gone were the child-like faith... prayers have become self-centered around my own needs, my own wants and not what God had destined me and prepared me for. I let the devil plant seed in my own life to go wayward towards the path that leads to destruction.

During the times when I have left God, I know I was not myself. It just doesn't feel right. Most of the time, I am wrestling with myself. I keep doing the things I know that would disappoint myself and also God. I tried to play with the rebellious side of me, played with fire to get myself hurt cause I thought I wouldn't have a chance to do all these things if I am a Christian. The more I tried to do these things, the more I felt hurt. With time, all these hurts and guilt starts to build up... All these little dark corners in my life starts to eat me up mentally and physically. I call them "little monsters". They consumed me inside out, leaving myself without a soul. For the past one year, I feel nothing but a living dead. I have become someone I hated so much myself. I tried to cover up with things, tried to live a more proper life with a living motto without God, But I had nowhere to go... I was lost. During my job search, I was without God. I felt I made the choice to oust God out of my life. (Hmm... sounds like I'm a big shot here.) I tried and wanted to push God away. I thought I could live a life without him like the rest of the non-believers.

But it didn't help. My issues, my fears, my loneliness, my problems... they still existed. In fact, I became worst. I didn't know myself anymore.

As I shared with my previous cell leader, it is indeed a huge step and making the decision to come back to God is the first step. I have too many logical doubts and I may not even receive answers till the day I meet God. But here I am... I have to put aside every doubts and with faith, to come back and receive God's Love.

I think it fears me to some extent that I am such a sinner, yet God still wants to love me despite all these things. For such a gracious God to love a sinner like me, I have no other words. I know I have a long way for God to work with these issues in me... I know He would be with me through it all. The first step of little baby steps of Faith.

15/03/2015: Artsy Sunday

29/09/2014 Job Offers

Remember few weeks back I was fretting over job interviews... Right now, I'm in the midst of evaluating my options and opportunities. After going for a few interviews, offers have been coming in to tell me that I have been selected. This is of course, extremely good news! However, this also meant that I need to be careful and prudent in weighing my options well before stepping into the corporate world. After all, I believe that a good head-start will definitely bring me far. I'm already looking forward to starting work and the purchasing power that comes along with it. I am starting another chapter of my life and in the midst of transiting. There bound to be changes and challenges but I'm feeling ever ready what lies ahead. :) 

27/09/2014 Sembawang Dog Park

As all dog lovers might have know... a new dog park has officially opened! It's really heartening to know the government and authorities have taken note of the need for our furry friends to have their own space to make friends and enjoy themselves. Well, all the north-ners are now able to hang out together without the need to travel far for their furry friends to enjoy. Yes, I'm talking about the newly opened SEMBAWANG PARK. 

As you can see, Teddy enjoys the DOG PARK A LOT. I think this is the first time we see her chasing other dogs. But she's still pretty reserved and lazy! After running around for 10 minutes and exploring 1/10 of the dog park... she would rest under the bench for the rest of the time and oblivious to all the things happening around her. It's pretty wonderful that Teddy gets to meet a chow-spitz. Hopefully, we get to meet more chow chows to see Teddy's reaction. :) 

Do take note the dog park closes at night! So be sure to bring your furry friends around morning to evening. It's sad that they didn't build any water facilities in the dog park... Hopefully they would enhance the place and build more benches and dog obstacles for both owners and dogs. The park is about 2,700sqm! Unlike Bishan Dog Park, sembawang only has one area for all dogs to run around. 
Other than that, I also wished to see more dog cafes opening to make the place more vibrant and dog-friendly.

Teddy says bye!!!

26/03/2014 F for ...

I wonder what friends mean. 

From the internet,

a. a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

I kind of forgotten how it feels like to have a good friend to understand you inside out. People come and go. That's true. But certain people just lives in your memory without leaving an inch. Maybe I'm too emotional. I do miss someone a lot as a friend. As I grow up, it's really sad to accept people leaving and how our life paths are going in divergence. It's getting further and further, I can't seemed to find anything common between us anymore. I don't know what to say. 

26/09/2014 Better Days to Come

Few weeks back, I was fretting about getting a job and not hearing from any organizations. Yet, right now... I am worrying about going for interviews. How interesting life works? Things happen exactly when you least expects it. I'm really thankful because I signed up with an agency accidentally and my job agent was able to link me up with different organizations immediately. I am working in the healthcare sector, thus I would definitely recommend any one who is looking for a job and finds it hard to really sign up with an agency. I'm unsure about if other jobs are that straightforward. I find that it is much easier, fuss-free and convenient to connect with an agent. My agent was extremely friendly and approachable. It also depends partially on your qualification and match with the job you applied for. For the next few weeks, I would be going for more interviews. Fingers crossed that I would do well and live a good impression with the HR and department head. :)

Beautiful piece of art piece I saw at Ion. Really loved it... but I have no idea why. Probably because the empty portion represents how I feel right now. Somehow... I always felt that some part of my life is missing and I'm holding on to a luggage in search of those pieces to fill up. It may be spiritual, it may be love... but I'm unsure. Life just feels incomplete. Actually, that's life. Maybe we would always be in search of something that cannot be found. 

Another beautiful art piece I saw at NUH. I just find this eco-green idea and architect blending well into the building. I loved how it made the place feels relaxed and calming. A place where you can ponder about life.

Set lunch from Ma Maison.

 I really enjoy the serenity of being able to break away from the busy hours of life and just tucked myself into this cozy cafe. I also loved the interior design of Ma Maison. It makes me feel as if I'm in a countryside cafe. I've learnt to appreciate small things in between life as it comes along. 

11/09/2014 Truth once in awhile...

Once in awhile,  I get really affected when I know of the truth and how my perceptions clashes with it. This is definitely not the first time, and am still highly affected emotionally. I dislike myself being like this. I want to bring myself out of this emotional state but I couldn't. I wished I could speak to someone who understands how I feel but I can't. I wished I could do something about it but I can't. I wished I could stop it but I can't. I feel so helpless cause it's out of my control to how other people do things especially people you love. I hate all these things but I can't do anything about it. I can only hide. You are not the same person I know anymore. I can't remember who you are to me?