30/08/2012 Where are you heading?

Another day passed. Just getting to know the social work people more. I do hope I can become more enthusiastic, it just felt like I lack this motivation to interact with people & I really don't mean to. Just that I'm really shy in front of people I do not know. :( hope I could be better at making friends and more than acquaintance level!
It feels weird yet familiar to eat with the previous social work people. But they are really nice & sociable! Another day passed...

29/08/2012 In the Darkest moment.

Felt really dark and depressed today. Helplessness seemed to be growing inside me, consuming me. I feel far away from God. And I know it's my fault for not drawing near to Him. I just felt so irritated and frustrated with what's happening in my life. The struggles, the fear, the loneliness im experiencing. Nobody seemed to care. And no... Nothing in this world makes it feel better. The situation is far worst than perceived. All I feel is icy cold. I feel so distant from everyone in church. There seemed to be nowhere I belonged to. Nobody to hear my struggles & pain. I tried. But you didn't do anything. Forget it.

28/08/2012 Can Anybody Hear Her?

It has been the third week of school. The first two weeks have been really unproductive.

I have been spending time out of home too much lately. There were 2 dinner outings with the NUS ministry people. Well, actually I've been trying hard to mix around with them because I don't seem to have a normal cell group and it turned out pretty weird because they are one big group of people with common cell, and all been to some overseas together. Sometimes, I do feel out of place, like I have no idea what to talk to them about. In the end, I'm some weird, quiet girl. Forget it. Don't really like forcing myself. Furthermore, they all stay in the west/east. I heart North-landers. I do doubt myself if I'm like really shy or what in a big group... or maybe it's just me.

Awkward Simpsons/ Awkward Me.

Recent updates will be that I actually went for the interview for expedition to India. Well, I don't know what are my chances. I somehow feel that I will be disappointed. Knowing that I did not get a place is like being rejected. Rejection means unwanted, I will most probably think I am unworthy and lack the quality. Somehow, my confidence is affected. After some consideration, I do not really want to commit myself this long and I do have other church commitments. 

When I always want to join a cca, something seemed to crop up and foil my plan. Life in NUS is really mundane and scarily lonely. Most of the times, I feel cropped up in my own life though I do want to try to step out and meet new people, do new stuff. It all seems so scary and I don't feel supported. I feel that nobody around me gives me positive feedbacks of myself. I have no idea how to go about doing all these... To encourage myself, I am joining KickBoxing with Mayvin! Yay! Something to rejoice! I might consider joining dance ministry or something else. I don't know. 

Somehow, social work has been for 2 weeks. Still getting to know my social work friends. I hope we can bond well, afterall, it's only these 18 of us but time seemed short. I'll just try my best? 

 1. Above is some Social Work tutorial activity. It's pretty fun, and I do enjoy it. It's a collage I did which describe myself. Though I do find it tough, contradicting and all, but I still want to try my best to do well in it.

2. Seafood Pasta with @SINREN <3 Took plenty of polaroids at her house too.

3. Esplanade View after church.

4. Baptism for QiuRu. 

5. Sending Di Xin off.

6. Japanese Food from The Deck.

7. Oreo cheese cake to cheer up myself on a Blue Blue Monday/Tuesday

22/08/2012 Hate/Love

Don't make me sad

Don't make me cry 

Sometimes love is not enough 

And the road gets tough I don't know why 

21/08/2012 Kiss You Inside Out

Dinner with my Love! ❤
Went to Old School Delight! This place is really cosy & had a nice atmosphere! Spent a really nice time with @ SINREN ! After that headed to Udders for ice cream! :D yay! Nice reward for week 1 though well I spent most of my time hanging out! Now I'm so exhausted when back to study! :'(

18/08/2012 Turn on the lights.

This gonna be a mundane post. One week of school past, and I have been spending way too much time outside instead of studying! I need to start studying and decide what I want to do in my life. Is this what I want? Do I need to do this to prove myself and so many more questions... Life is a long self-searching process. University life is taxing me out. I'm afraid I might lose out to all others, but I should know my life goal shouldn't be something being compared to some other people because my identity lies in the Lord. We are all different and unique, even though sometimes I feel myself struggling inside because I'm not up to the standard of everyone. Let's not fear move in the way of what God is capable inside of me. Life is so much more than comparing yourself to others. 

It's beyond me, I cannot carry

The weight of a heavy world

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, 

Goodnight, hope that things work out 

all right.

17/08/2012 1964' Youth Culture in Japan

Pictures Credits: http://life.time.com/culture/japanese-youth-in-revolt-1964/#end

 

Maybe among all the rebellion we set upon our heart has some freedom of truth.

Maybe under the bottom of our heart lies deeper desires. 

Maybe we wonder what are we made of.

Maybe we question our existence.

Maybe we can't comprehend.

13/08/2012 May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

Welcome, Welcome. Start Of School. Dread. Dread. Dread. I'm so trying my best to be positive & all. Believing in The Secret & those sorta of trust-yourself, psycho-yourself techniques. Ahh, meditation. Whatever it is... 

Some bullshit resolution for myself:
1. Try my best to read nus emails.
2. Be dilligent in school work.
3. Participate in something interesting. ( Like a cca... )
4. Volunteer at an elderly home.
5. Love Life. 
6. Be open to making new friends.
7. Embrace how packed A/B/C/D/E/F/G...BUS will be.

Because I need a fairytale. 

HAHAHA! I look seriously funny! But I felt really happy serving the kids and all!:)

God, please give me the strength to last through tomorrow! :)

30/07/2012 FRUSTRATION

I can't believe I'm getting frustrated and fuzzy over choosing modules. You must be thinking how hard can it be right? Dang, you're so wrong. Worst decision I have to make in my life. It's either the timetable doesn't fit, or the exam date crashes, or I'm a fuzzy person who refuse to give in to Science modules. I'm just plain weak in it! Now I'm aching from head to toe from all the games trial at Sentosa. Even though I'm desperate for a camp, & find it really fun, but still... it's so mentally and physically tiring! Can't believe I'm feeling old... maybe I should take Understanding the Elderly/Active Ageing in Singapore. Prepare myself for the future.

24/07/2012 In Loving Memory of Coco, departed on 24/07/2012

Already Dead. :(

Coco being carried away by the person in charge. We have decided to cremate her. It came as a shock because she was fine one day before except she lacked appetite and all. I don't know why but I noticed she seemed very fragile and all since the renovation started. When it all ended, she don't seemed to be familiar with the place anymore. She used to do the binky around the house, and knocked into walls but now all she do is laze around. On Sunday, I fed her strawberries since she doesn't want to eat her food. I don't know why I started to research about rabbits since she got a weird lump around her neck/chin. I found out some illness about it but didn't really take notice, though it does seemed serious! I whatsapped the family group that I wanted to bring her to the vet on Monday, but I DIDN'T. :( I don't know why but I still laid hand on her to pray for her which I have never done before. Really had no idea what happened to her. But the person kept on consoling us, convincing us that she died due to her age, but she is only 4 years old. Appreciated it though. I mean there's no point harping on what happened since she is already dead. 

This very morning, she died, like around 6 am when the maid first discovered she is not moving. My dad screamed, and we all went out and cried.


Anyway, we contacted http://www.petscremation.com.sg/.We had to act fast since animal's body decay fast. There wasn't much information I could get from internet. We were not allowed to bury her, and throwing her into a sealed bag is far too painful and cruel. Even though she is dead, we decided that she should die peacefully. Their service was good, and came within an hour or so. Initially, we were afraid that the person might be rude or did not show respect as it can be expected some people are just out to earn money. The man came with a cage, used gloves, and answered our queries. Thankfully.
The pricing of cremating her was $200 which includes transportation fees and collecting her ashes back. It would be $120 if you do not want the ashes back. My sister wanted her ashes, and I guess it's a good assurance for us since we could get to see her ashes.


I felt so remorseful. It's like I agreed to bring her to the vet, but I didn't. The timing seemed so exact, & it seemed like a reminder to love life, and not to waste time to love the people around you. Life is so unpredictable.

 Coco during her younger days.

 Feeding her when she's younger.