01/02/2013 Are You Wasting Time?

It's been a month since the start of 2013! Honestly, it felt like I was planning for my year and right now everything just rush right in! God has been great. He always is! This year, just want to be thankful for all that He has provided! It's indeed God's Grace that I'm here today. Was just planning how I wanted this post to be structured like but I just stumbled upon our church website and was deeply blessed by so many great testimonies and not forgetting my last year trip to East Timor. Suddenly, I was reminded of God's goodness and providence for everyone. A gush of memories just flowed through my mind. The simplicity and simple faith in trusting God's providence is so simple yet so amazing. Nobody could every comprehend that beautiful plan He has for us.

Just this evening, I was feeling really stressed up and vexed over my general biology lab. Coming from a arts background, it's terrible. Even though I took O level biology, it doesn't seemed to aid me in my poor lab performance. I went back feeling dejected and all, thinking maybe I should really drop this module and all. Being both mentally and physically stressed, I went back feeling even more worthless and stupid that I wasn't able to solve such simple questions. All this are so every ready to potentially trigger my you-are-such-a-loser thing in me. Spiraling into you are such a loser in NUS, who cannot do anything, who fails in everything who ...

Yet, God just showed me how it was so easy to be satisfied in Him. Constantly trying to fulfill the world's standard of success, forgetting how His promises are so true and real. When I close my eyes, I can still feel the breeze of East Timor, the smiles of the children, the breathtaking views, innocence of the people. It's like heaven. People may be stripped of all materials possessions but they gain so much in return. Not promoting that ignorance is bliss, but just the pure form of humanity is so touching. How much can one actually say they are so not caught up with life and being distracted from million stuff? I believe that the people at East Timor are really at their purest, and honestly, that form of happiness cannot ever be found in anyone of us in Singapore.

Maybe indeed, it is hard to comprehend such pure form of happiness when we are here, but what we can do is to learn that no matter how terrible your situation may be... God is ever so lasting. I just see how He provides enough for the people there, and I want them to be applicable in my life here in Singapore. It may be true that I'm not adequate enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not optimistic enough and all, but God still loves me as much as He love the rest. He has given me more than I have asked for, and there isn't a day I go off without wanting to lose this precious salvation I have.


Thought for the month:
1. I was led to believe that something must be done. Spreading God's love is now on my priority because there is not much time left. I do not want to go off knowing that all my friends and families have been saved. This means being more proactive in daily devotions, praying for friends, and connecting with them genuinely!

2. This month honestly felt like a bullet train. I'm 21 sooooooon. It does scare me how time flies without waiting and each moment, I wonder if I had done enough to live the day to the fullest. Other than studying really hard, I want to learn to stay true to my own calling. No losing of God's vision for me.

3. Compassion for the lost. Recently, I have been praying, asking, seeking the Lord to give me a new compassion. Don't really know why but it feels quite like I'm losing the hope and love for the oppressed, lost and poor. Believing God for a new heart to love again.

4. Thoughts for baptism.

27/01/2013 God, let my Heart focus on You alone.

Just these few days, I don't know why but my heart got pretty carried away! Honestly, I know it's me thinking too much... Maybe I've not relied on God wholly with my heart that's why my emotions swayed so far and away. God! Bring me back to my First love! Help me understand your purpose and mould me into someone You want me to be before moving out to the next stage of life.

21/01/2013 Grace. Me. God

No waves in life are too hard for us, because God made the ocean. 

Such a breathtaking quote! Right now, I'm feeling honestly, humanly speaking, drained out. I have been engaging in too much social events. I feel guilty that I'm not even standing enough time with God, speaking and seeking Him. But through all these, I really want to thank Him for every opportunities to bless people lives and even being able to pray and care for those around me. God, teach me to be braver each day. Give me your guidance to step out of my comfort zone to meet new people, to handle new situations. I want to believe something great has been in stored for my life.

Short Summary so 3 years down the road I would remember what I did:
1. Meetup with Joe for discipleship group! It was a great time, there's always new revelations from the bible! Holy Spirit is my guidance!

2. Jersey Boys with the Bestfriend! :)

3. Virgin K-Outing with Mayvin & Peggie! My dearest NUS friends! It's really hard to find great friends in NUS. Treasuring them a lot!

4. Meeting with my Wanxin!<3 even though it was a short one! Hope I catch up more with you next time!

5. Yums! Had a great dinner with Yvonne and Qiuru! Thanks for the treat! :) Thank God for blessing me with such a great leader! Other than that I'm being treated a lot... I'm really being blessed by them in many ways! They have taught me a lot and cared for me despite their busy schedules! Count your blessings!

6. Supper with the original cell! :) Great catch up with all of you! Flying kisses!



































7. Malaysia with the family! Ok.... 3/5 of the family! Blessed with this short getaway! Flea before the outing! Well! wasn't fruitful at all! ;'( Seriously, it's time for me to get serious with all these school work and to mug hard in school. It's real boring and all but really... God grant me the passion and love for these modules! Let me look at them from a godly perspective, and to have more discipline in my life to make time for You! Never one day, I wanna pass by without praising and being grateful for everything that I have. All these are God-given and I am so abundantly provided for!


P.S: Pardon me for all the low quality photos! All from my iphone camera! Was so lazy to take nice photos!

16/01/2013 So far...

Day 3 of school! So far, so good! The Lord has been great to me! So thankful for all the friends around me! Didn't know any of them beforehand, but it's indeed a blessing to know all of you! :) God has been speaking so faithfully to me... And I have been claiming and trusting in His promises! Even though I have been well pretty lazy these few days... Must really try to get into the mood of studying! We... Just wanna thank God for His grace and mercy for letting me through all these.

08/01/2013

Studying in NUS is so gross. I'm so grossed out by every single thing.

23/12/2012 What A Sad Christmas!

Feeling so sad for this season of love. I know we are supposed to feel love & all but I just feel so sulky & crap. It's like don't know... Prolonged problem or what and nobody can solve this shit. All you did was just sit there and pretend nothing happened. I'm speechless. Really nothing that can do to help me feel better. All I wanna do is lie down and let all these troubles vanish into thin air. I really hope they do. Oh God... Why why you let your cell group become like this? Why did you change us all away. Just don't even feel family at all. This is crap. I'm so so disappointed in all these plans of yours. It doesn't even make us feel better... No I don't think we grew wiser. Just more broken than ever. Can't even find a support.

22/12/2012 No Pretense

I don't know why I'm so stressed up over all these. I feel like I'm gonna break down over such a small lil stuff. I could just walk away & pretend nothing happened but precisely, something happened.

Am I the only one who hates hates hates camp? Not trying to be bad or what but the high amount of getting-to-know-you part is too much for me to take it. I hate repeating mundane crap like oh yeah I like this and I hate that and blah blah blah. I know all these requires time & all but it's simply too tiring.

I'm starting to feel worn out & left out from church. It seemed so lonely & I just don't feel any community love at all. This Xmas is just really I feel it's all empty. No joy, no peace, no love.

I'm suppose to love but I cannot. It been so long... And I feel like I can't be remembered. There wasn't even a time when I felt truly happy being with people except a few special ones.

I don't like forcing myself to be happy when I'm not. I don't even know why because I'm not usually like that. And I hate how everyone got this wrong impression of me. Tried tried to mix in but to me it's just so hard to fulfill. Am I trying hard to be liked by people? Is even remembering my name that hard? Not asking for more but it's really sad. Me myself trying my best but it don't succeed.

Don't even know why I'm bothered over this. Headache. 1.43 AM.

04/12/2012 Maybe I Need A New Light.

I can't even fare well in what I love. I can't even tell anyone how I feel. I can't even understand myself. Nobody knows/Nobody cares. We are all in love with ourselves. Too obsessed to care how other feels.

02/12/2012 We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

这几天，我都好容易感动。读到感人的诗句就哭，听到一首好听的歌就哭，看电视看到感人的画面就哭，看着日出我也好像哭。不知道什么时候开始这样，我的感情开始细腻。许多小事都仿佛让我热泪盈眶。也是生活上已经没有什么好后悔，好留念，好挂念。。。 如果也已经没有如果。 洒脱的过着想要的生活也许才算是真正的活着。留下来的后悔只会像承重的枷锁拖着自己的脚步，住址我们往更好的方向前进。

我承认自己好难过，好痛恨自己，有时也不明白自己为何会做出这些事情让自己如此难过伤心。我明知后果还自负，让自己更加痛恨自己，告诉我自己我没有能力做到。也许我在挖掘自己的坟墓，想寻找自己所拥有的一片天堂却不断地往地里自我残废。我自认掉进自己的深渊，自甘堕落。我已经没有足够的能力再去满足你们的要求，满足想要被爱的渴望，已经无法说服自己所做的都是为了什么。我想起增经的努力，那么讨好你们，得到的却是如此的对待。只可求那么一份小小的温柔，一句问候，一句鼓励的话，就要求那么多一点点，难道有那么难吗？从前的我活在你们的背影，凡是都顺着你们的意见，直到活到这把年纪才发现自己都活在阴影下，久久无法走出。现在的一切都绕着一个人转动。我在你们的眼力还重要吗？我好像永远长不大，有时，我真希望自己想五岁的小女孩，抱着自己喜爱的娃娃，累了还有你们的呵护与关怀，不需要为自己的未来或生活担心。


[ 有人说孩子就像放风筝一样，放得再远，父母还是握紧手中的线。但是没有人想到风筝如果太早放得太远，它会在乌云里哭泣，在风里挣扎，害怕雷电声。如果风筝放得太远连自己都看不到，那么放风筝的人已经失去其中的意义。]    
-罗淑婷

30/11/2012 As I type...

Million thoughts running through my mind. Like what my friend A has mentioned how tough life out there can be especially, surviving in this stressful and 人吃人的社会。We always ponder about what if, or if time could turn back. To me, all these are bullshit. We are here today. No matter how badly, how terrible we do for today, there is always tomorrow redeem our sins and turn things around. (Unless it's some serious crap like killing someone...or life or death) There's always an opportunity for us to say sorry, to make things work again, to change our behaviors, to look beyond what we have now, to accept what we cannot change, and change what we can! The tantamount of stress we face whether family, school, friends, work, environmental and etc... They sometime leave us with little or no time to gasp for a breathe of air. Often, we have this powerless emotions which tells us that we cannot, we are useless, we are losers. All these in the head. It is this powerful mentality. How many lives and people are being controlled by that sad, demeaning mindset that they are born to doom and fail and never succeed. I can't deny, I myself had fallen into such traps. I guess that's why God always have this well-meaning message that we have already won the victory and no such strongholds will bring us down. (Maybe, sometimes, I do doubt God.) Put that aside. Failure can means something positive. It gives us a chance to emerge stronger. I mean, c'mon, if there aren't any failures, how would you know the sweetness of success? Chuck that aside, I think I should be studying for my exams right now. If lest I did not do well, there's always chances for my next semester, and most importantly, the beautiful process of learning without pressure is probably the most rewarding!