11/09/2012 You'll Come

I'll start with a thanksgiving! PTL! Praise The Lord! :) I'm so thankful for the salvations and rededication during the WOW CHASE event! Never have I thought that there would be salvation and I'm thankful that the Lord used me as a group leader. Despite the frustrations and wrong perceptions, I do hope I did a good job at that event! :) 

I was contemplating if I should go to the NUS cell ministry today. Was feeling the similar dejecting feeling about cell and worrying if I can manage my workload. The lord spoke to me this morning. As I was doing my daily devotion, I was given this verse.

Hebrews 10

²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

So I chucked aside my feelings, and bravely attended the cell meeting. Sound so dramatic though! I received revelations from the meetings. The words I received were really comforting. A senior prayed for me, and she saw a living water, like a meander where the river flows... I can just draw from the living water like spiritual wisdom, strength and all! I feel really comforted and thankful. Much when I needed it. 

Another cell sister prayed for me and her words is that I don't need to conform to the world... ! I don't need to do anything or say anything and my identity lies in God. When I heard it, I felt really glad and thankful. These few days I felt really stressed from needing to affirm myself and all. I'm just so grateful for these anointed words that spoke deep down into my heart.

08/09/2012 Time Wasted which you Enjoyed.

Week4... but what have you been doing Shu Ting. I have been depressed lately, but well it's a temporal feeling. Finally gotten over it, but it did cost me time and effort. Instead of studying, I spent time mulling over NOTHING. Yes, nothing. Girls. Anyway, it has been a week. I can't even remember what I did, and I have zero ideas on what to do for my revision. All I can remember is me being really tired. I shall try to recall.

Monday: Start of another mundane week. I thank God, and praise God that I manage to make good friends in my SS module. For every module I had to go alone or the need to have project work, God will always remain faithful and put friends around me! Sometimes being in a big school like that where companion is important, these minor stuffs can mean a lot. I'm really thankful for His protection and peace over me. During the introduction class, I got to know how people in NUS are full of aspirations. Some people might be materialistic and all, but I appreciate the individuality and uniqueness of every human. I'm very amazed at how our lives can differ so much. I really believe we can all undergo the same experiences but nobody ever goes through his or her life feeling the exact same feelings. In awe of the human spirit.

Tuesday: I got to know my classmate better. I didn't know there's a church exist in the cinema. Next time when I go watch movie, I will pray over the place! I got a chance to catch up with Lily. Thankful for her because she helps me to look at things in a new perspective. Even though it can be scary or rather intimidating, but it is always a good chance to expose myself to a whole new angle. I love the way she analyise my sitatuation. In the end, I learnt not to be so narrow-minded.

Wednesday: Slept at home like the whole day.

Thursday: Nothing much.

Friday: Met up with my cell leader! So thankful and grateful to her too! Every single time I meet her, I will always fill her with my problems. Not all, but at least all the important ones. Maybe, I should really pray more to God about my own identity issues. The jealousy and insecurity must go away! "_" She never fails to help me look from the strength perspective! Hoping and praying that we could still catch up in future, despite her moving on to the adult. People leaving and all are just part and parcel of life. That does not mean we do not see them, but keep them in prayers and even find effort and time to maintain the relationship.
Met up with my 2 dear friends for dinner in the night!

Ate at Udders and Seoul Yummy!

30/08/2012 Where are you heading?

Another day passed. Just getting to know the social work people more. I do hope I can become more enthusiastic, it just felt like I lack this motivation to interact with people & I really don't mean to. Just that I'm really shy in front of people I do not know. :( hope I could be better at making friends and more than acquaintance level!
It feels weird yet familiar to eat with the previous social work people. But they are really nice & sociable! Another day passed...

29/08/2012 In the Darkest moment.

Felt really dark and depressed today. Helplessness seemed to be growing inside me, consuming me. I feel far away from God. And I know it's my fault for not drawing near to Him. I just felt so irritated and frustrated with what's happening in my life. The struggles, the fear, the loneliness im experiencing. Nobody seemed to care. And no... Nothing in this world makes it feel better. The situation is far worst than perceived. All I feel is icy cold. I feel so distant from everyone in church. There seemed to be nowhere I belonged to. Nobody to hear my struggles & pain. I tried. But you didn't do anything. Forget it.

28/08/2012 Can Anybody Hear Her?

It has been the third week of school. The first two weeks have been really unproductive.

I have been spending time out of home too much lately. There were 2 dinner outings with the NUS ministry people. Well, actually I've been trying hard to mix around with them because I don't seem to have a normal cell group and it turned out pretty weird because they are one big group of people with common cell, and all been to some overseas together. Sometimes, I do feel out of place, like I have no idea what to talk to them about. In the end, I'm some weird, quiet girl. Forget it. Don't really like forcing myself. Furthermore, they all stay in the west/east. I heart North-landers. I do doubt myself if I'm like really shy or what in a big group... or maybe it's just me.

Awkward Simpsons/ Awkward Me.

Recent updates will be that I actually went for the interview for expedition to India. Well, I don't know what are my chances. I somehow feel that I will be disappointed. Knowing that I did not get a place is like being rejected. Rejection means unwanted, I will most probably think I am unworthy and lack the quality. Somehow, my confidence is affected. After some consideration, I do not really want to commit myself this long and I do have other church commitments. 

When I always want to join a cca, something seemed to crop up and foil my plan. Life in NUS is really mundane and scarily lonely. Most of the times, I feel cropped up in my own life though I do want to try to step out and meet new people, do new stuff. It all seems so scary and I don't feel supported. I feel that nobody around me gives me positive feedbacks of myself. I have no idea how to go about doing all these... To encourage myself, I am joining KickBoxing with Mayvin! Yay! Something to rejoice! I might consider joining dance ministry or something else. I don't know. 

Somehow, social work has been for 2 weeks. Still getting to know my social work friends. I hope we can bond well, afterall, it's only these 18 of us but time seemed short. I'll just try my best? 

 1. Above is some Social Work tutorial activity. It's pretty fun, and I do enjoy it. It's a collage I did which describe myself. Though I do find it tough, contradicting and all, but I still want to try my best to do well in it.

2. Seafood Pasta with @SINREN <3 Took plenty of polaroids at her house too.

3. Esplanade View after church.

4. Baptism for QiuRu. 

5. Sending Di Xin off.

6. Japanese Food from The Deck.

7. Oreo cheese cake to cheer up myself on a Blue Blue Monday/Tuesday

22/08/2012 Hate/Love

Don't make me sad

Don't make me cry 

Sometimes love is not enough 

And the road gets tough I don't know why 

21/08/2012 Kiss You Inside Out

Dinner with my Love! ❤
Went to Old School Delight! This place is really cosy & had a nice atmosphere! Spent a really nice time with @ SINREN ! After that headed to Udders for ice cream! :D yay! Nice reward for week 1 though well I spent most of my time hanging out! Now I'm so exhausted when back to study! :'(

18/08/2012 Turn on the lights.

This gonna be a mundane post. One week of school past, and I have been spending way too much time outside instead of studying! I need to start studying and decide what I want to do in my life. Is this what I want? Do I need to do this to prove myself and so many more questions... Life is a long self-searching process. University life is taxing me out. I'm afraid I might lose out to all others, but I should know my life goal shouldn't be something being compared to some other people because my identity lies in the Lord. We are all different and unique, even though sometimes I feel myself struggling inside because I'm not up to the standard of everyone. Let's not fear move in the way of what God is capable inside of me. Life is so much more than comparing yourself to others. 

It's beyond me, I cannot carry

The weight of a heavy world

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, 

Goodnight, hope that things work out 

all right.

17/08/2012 1964' Youth Culture in Japan

Pictures Credits: http://life.time.com/culture/japanese-youth-in-revolt-1964/#end

 

Maybe among all the rebellion we set upon our heart has some freedom of truth.

Maybe under the bottom of our heart lies deeper desires. 

Maybe we wonder what are we made of.

Maybe we question our existence.

Maybe we can't comprehend.

13/08/2012 May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

Welcome, Welcome. Start Of School. Dread. Dread. Dread. I'm so trying my best to be positive & all. Believing in The Secret & those sorta of trust-yourself, psycho-yourself techniques. Ahh, meditation. Whatever it is... 

Some bullshit resolution for myself:
1. Try my best to read nus emails.
2. Be dilligent in school work.
3. Participate in something interesting. ( Like a cca... )
4. Volunteer at an elderly home.
5. Love Life. 
6. Be open to making new friends.
7. Embrace how packed A/B/C/D/E/F/G...BUS will be.

Because I need a fairytale. 

HAHAHA! I look seriously funny! But I felt really happy serving the kids and all!:)

God, please give me the strength to last through tomorrow! :)