For the next 10 weeks, I'm going to commit myself fully to internship. For the previous placement, I did not perform well. Didn't really know what to expect as an intern. Let the past be past. Sometimes, I wonder about... things I do, things I said. Have you thought so too? Doing stupid mistakes, asking gravely deadly questions. I have been living my life according to what I want, how I want and that's probably the biggest mistake. I understood and came to terms that life is about sucking up to people around you. Being humble, acknowledging you are nothing. Of course, that's not just being a suck up and good-for-nothing. Got to have brains and ideas too. I hate it a lot when my ideas are being shot down... But just go to suck it down and stick to rules. That's probably because I'm also partly selfish, putting my own interests before others.
This placement, I'm gonna do fine right? I WANT/WOULD/DEFINITELY DO WELL. I'm gonna learn from my past mistakes and correct them. I would improve my EQ by observing others. I would be more passionate and proactive. I would learn to control my expression. I would be more friendly. I would not let my insecurities take over me. Prioritize and Efficient.
There's so many things on my mind affecting me that I feel like I can't be happy. What happened to me? I used to be able to bury all my unhappiness so perfectly, now I'm all guilty and I hate myself. Maybe I don't even know what happened? I'm sick and tired of myself being like this honestly. I hate how all this damn circumstances, people reacting and how they are affecting me. I'm pissed off. I'm going to learn to chuck this aside, and concentrate on just being me, myself.
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