Tuesday, January 14, 2014

13/01/2014 Hello, New Semester!

I hate to say this... but Hello to a new hell semester. I am having mixed feelings since it will be my last semester. I can't do honors because my CAP didn't make it good enough for the school to spend another year of money and effort on student like me. Some things... even money can't buy. Looking back, my time in NUS is so fast. I've always felt like I have shortchanged myself. There are so many activities, so many opportunities and I'm just lazing my ass off. Sometimes, I feel like a nuisance and I don't belong to school. #Wow, 3 years of education to make myself feel lousier than ever. #ThankyouNUS Maybe, I'm not meant for academics. This society is always unfair. No matter how hard I try, I always feel like shit... I wonder if there's any one who feels the same as me. Whatever, it is.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.” 
― Bil Keane 

“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.” 


Well, I love how Rick Warren describes about our past. Currently, I am reading Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I enjoyed the foreword by Harold S. Kushner. 
He described how a man was faced with his emotional turmoil when the Nazi threw all his credentials and degree into the dustbin, and told him that he has nothing left. It hit me so hard. I begin imagining one day… I am in front of God. And He just chucked aside everything I worked my life for into maybe thin air? They can vanish and dissolve into little particles with a touch of God's fingertips. Everything I worked for would be NOTHING. Then, I realized how vulnerable I was. Who am I to think I am worthy just because I had a degree. Anyone else can have the same degree. Someone can come in and destroy what I had. Probably the government starts to set a law that an arts degree is nothing compared to a lawyer degree or considered unworthy in this society. After all, humans are the ones who set the rules and determine our morals. We are the evil ones who invent all the good and bad stuff. War wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the greed of human. Is there anything not created by humans? Religion? Language? What really matters in the end?

I remember how I was so inspired by Candy Chang and her Before I Die project. I kept remembering her words which help me to set my paths right. She said that “Thinking about death helps her to see things clearer.” I keep that dearly to me. Whenever you know that you might die the very next day, month, year… you might want to hold back your arguments and instead tell your loved ones how much you meant to them.

Probably, your degree doesn’t even mean much. You are not more than nor less than anyone else. We are equal. 


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