Looking back at all my old blog posts, I felt very regretful for not blogging as often as I should. Whenever I read back all the old posts, I start to remember all the experiences I had, whether happy or disappointing. I knew these are all the small little things that make me who I am today. This year, maybe I will start posting nicer photos whenever I go out. I will start posting happier moments instead of ranting about my regrets about my life. I've read somewhere that when you start posting all your bitterness on your blog... 10 years from now... You'll look back and only realized how miserable your life was. Ahh... Definitely NOOO.
2013 is full of ups an downs. As cheesy as it may sound... It's true. However, 2013 feels more like a downhill ride by the bicycle where I fall with all the scars and bruises. I'm very hurt by 2013. I cannot remember a time I felt truly happy. Maybe my 21st Birthday. Even then, I was troubled by a lot of things. My results were terrible. I was struggling with my own faith. No matter how hard I tried, life wasn't going smooth. There were a lot of disappointments. People I thought would stood by me didn't had time to. I had so many problems that I didn't know who to tell. Honestly, till the end, it doesn't really matter. People all have their own lives and why would someone even bother about others. Life is this short. Probably, it's me. I'm just disappointed by what's happening around me.
The start of 2014. It was a bad one. I cried. Not because my crush didn't like me back. I'm #foreversingle. Something happened and it shook me a lot. This was not something new, but I just manage to compartmentalize this piece of bad news into somewhere, so it wouldn't affect my exams and all. Now that it has come back to haunt me, I had nowhere to hide anymore. My emotions never felt more raw than before. I felt betrayed, lost, angry, and disappointed. There's no way to justify any actions being done and the hurt being inflicted upon me. I really tried my best to hide, to throw it at the back of my mind... but the feelings kept coming back. I cannot look at the same person in the same way again. She is important to me but forgiveness is hard. As my leader has mentioned, it is not my fault. I cannot help but feel really shaken and disappointed by what has happened. Has I lose faith in love? No. Now that I know of the pitfalls of a marriage and how easy temptations can just slip in and caught us off guard. In the bible, 1 Peter 5:8, Keep your mind clear, and be alert. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion as he looks for someone to devour.
After this incident, I've decided to pray earnestly to seek the Lord for answers. Despite me being a really unfaithful Christian, God never fails to bring me back each time. He is indeed faithful, the same today, yesterday and forever! I really Thank Him for showing me and am still praying for healing and asking for forgiveness for what has happened.
No matter how life may be, I want to believe my 2014 will be wonderful.
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