24/09/2013 Money & Filial

How do you define filial? The money you 'return' your parents every month? It may be true that it is natural for adults children with the capability to be self-independent to return to their parents in some sort of a way. Monetary. To be exact. However, that in my opinion, is a false gauge. How can we even put a monetary value onto filial piety? It starts from within the heart. I may sound like an unfilial daughter but I somehow felt that it should be based on how much our parents sacrifice their time and effort for us. How does it feels returning to an empty home? It pisses me off every single time my father asks me to return him when I've gotten my first pay. I think about all the lonely nights I spent, crying myself to sleep whenever I face any issues. Where is my mum and dad when I needed them? All I remember is my parents returning late from their work. It may be true that they are working hard, but there are definitely times when they could have used the time to spend it on us... but instead it was being squandered freely away with friends, beer and cigarettes. Do they even feel regretful? Do they even think and remember us? Despite me being 21, yes... I should be matured enough to understand that my parents are slogging their life to help me earn my degree and who I am today but I still feel the hurt every single day of loneliness whenever my parents ain't there to help me. I remember nights when I attempted to commit suicide and they did not even realize anything amiss. Days when I cried because I had friendships problem... and they simply weren't there to notice because they were too tired. People may tell me to grow up and all... but all I wanted was for them to notice and asked me what happen, and the minimum they could do was to talk to me. I used to run so eagerly to them every night, telling them what happened in school, and all they did was to ignore my ramblings. Yes, I thank you my parents for who I am today, and how independent I have become because I had to. I tell myself everyday that if I were ever to become a parent, one thing I would have done differently, I would be by their side, watching them grow.