Since I'm gonna hit the big 2 for my age, I was thinking about how I could make myself better.
Reflecting about myself in the past 20 years... What I have been doing, and what I could have done better...
Most of the time, I'm quite negative about my achievements because I'm a total quitter who basically goes the easy way out for most things. I ain't smart or what, just maybe a lil' hardworking and lucky that God blessed me with the path most Singaporeans yearn for. But well, not saying I take all these for granted, but I still do feel that I need more improvement in my life.
Firstly, losing passion. Just like what the sermon has mentioned, where's the passion you had? Did I love the Lord as much as I should? Where is my passion and compassion for people? Did I fulfil his will? I've lost passion for so many things in life. The instant when I think back about what I have been doing in my college life has caused so much agony and pain, that I felt only like crying! I have been so dead, and so low spirit. It's like 90% of the time, I am in depression. I have few friends to talk to, so many problems, so many new challenges, so mundane and everything... I felt I'm losing contact with the world. I always felt like giving up... There's hardly anyone I can relate to, and there's not even someone I can come in contact with and share my troubles. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing myself, or am I growing up to be colder? I can't figure out which one. I feel like breaking loose, really find back myself again! But, how? I can't even describe myself anymore... Can I still relate to people? What's my passion in my life?
Secondly, friends. Sometimes, I look at Sing Yuen or maybe Angel, then I realised how badly I mistreat my friends. Sometimes, I think it's my problem? Like I'm bad at communication... not really hilarious, not really good at keeping relationships, and etc... Sometimes, I'm lazy which is true! I don't take effort, text my friends, meet them out, make gifts for them and etc...! Maybe that's why nobody remembers me. I'll try to change, and start forming valuable relationships with people. I don't like the idea of losing them.
Thirdly, stepping out of comfort zone. Is there anything that God can challenge me? Was thinking if I should go for mission trip! God, I need your affirmation! I need You to answer my prayers! I'm not sure what I can offer to God, but I'm willing to go where He needs me to be!
Always thought I don't look like my father until I see this. -.- sianxxxxx.
Le Sister.
Le Family
Le mother!
Actually, I don't think I'll be a good mother! Haha! For now, let's forget the idea... !
I think the best present I can give myself is to relax, unwind and to well maybe plan well for my examination!
