02/03/2012 Temptation.

This is the hardest thing on earth.
Choosing to flee from Temptations, or to resist it.

01/03/2012 Better Days

Isn't it FAST? I mean it's March, like finally! :) Something about March that's so beautiful! 

It's my birthday month! :) I shall love every part of it! 

First March Two-Oh-One-Two

Daddy's Birthday!(I just realised I'm the only person that looks neither like my dad nor my mom! Maybe I'm adopted?)

& my rabbit, Coco. 

(Disclaimation: No animal abuse! We do let her out to roam around the house! See, there's food inside her bowl! Plus she's super picky, she don't eat yellow ones!)  

29/02/2012 Leap Day

4 Years ago, I was watching Leap Years with my secondary school friends. We wanted to do something special, so we went to watch Leap Years on Leap Day. 


What would I be doing this year? 
I have no idea. Right now, it's 2:14AM. 
I just finished my philosophy summary which is crap, and done with a simple research to simply contribute to the group. I'm a very nice person, really. But when I hate something, I would always try my best to avoid it at all cost. 


I'm feeling really horrible. Like sick or what? Love Sick again, or it's for real this time again? 

Most of the time, I get sick because something happens to my heart. It's true, I'm not lying. 

I don't want my feelings to get attached again! Why can't I just forget?
It's not like I want us to be back together again, yet I don't want to lose contact with each other? 
Friends? Like Real. Why does it take so hard to forget someone? 
Sometimes, I feel so lonely, and I think his the only person that will take me. 
I'm that insecure. I feel that nobody would ever wants me again, other than him. 
So, I hang on tight, tight to him.
& I just want to know, he still holds on to me too, even though I know clearly, he doesn't really wants to be with me any more. 
The empty hour glass wore us thin. 
I don't know why I'm this insecure. 
Sometimes, I'm really scared that there's no one for me in future. I mean I'm 20/single. Am I the leftovers? I know we were taught in Him that God has prepared someone for us, but most of the time, I doubt. I know, we cannot determine our identity in how many boys love us, and thus determining our values. But it feels good to know someone love us, and values us? My patience, sometimes, at the wrong time, love to be running out. 
All around are couples. How can I try my best to pretend I don't care, and want someone to value me as much as I love them?
God, can you teach how to forget?
My hormones didn't mean to lead astray, & end up falling in love with him.
Now that I did, all I can is regret as much as I want to say I missed the feeling of being valued by him... and how much I might even mean to him. 

27/02/2012 Can You Believe my Recess week ended?

I really have no idea what happened during recess week! It's like a blink of an eye. (cliché but true.) I don't even remember what happened to me? 
Monday-No idea
Tuesday-No idea, met up with Sinren for supper @ Mac.
Wednesday- Cell Meeting
Thursday-Watched Spring Awakening ( Awesome Max!)
Friday-白米粉 for dinner, and a lil shopping with my family! 
Saturday-Church 
Sunday-Packed my room

A simple dinner at Food For Thoughts before watching the musical play! 


An hour becomes a minute during holidays! Wait, I didn't even get a chance to make-up and head down to town for a great dinner? 


Just praying that I can at least have some aspirations? Now that I know I want to be a social worker, I think I should at least have some aim about how to improve myself to become an all-rounded social worker? Or ways to improve myself? Maybe learning guitar to worship God? Or even to become more involve in school activities by joining social work club? Why am I so lazy? I don't know why, but I've found no motivation in school at all! Like no joke! I can't even bring myself to study... Maybe 20 is a cursed age when my IQ just deteriorates? I really have no idea why I can't study? I was so hard-working in junior college, but all that motivations seemed to go down to the drain. I hope I wake up soon, since yeah... once again gpa is a bitch. Well, God, if this is where you want me to go, at least help to give me some spirit of motivation!





Till then... I really want to enjoy life while I can. Here's a picture of me... climbing some stone... oh yeah... it represents me wanting to reach a greater height in life. #bullshitIsay

Waffles For Supper

WafflesforSupper.

26/02/2012 Oh How Time Flies.

I have not been working as hard as I should in University, not mentioning how disgracing my GPA is for the first semester, & honestly, I do not even have the faith to believe if it is possible for my CAP to be pulled up... I mean after all it's harder to pull up than to pull down. I honestly hate how all my posts are all sad and emotional and all, but I can't help all these negative feelings just flow through me... Maybe, the devil is trying to attack. 
After I stepped into University, I have not been leading my life well. I'm being led by my emotions most of the time, and I'm always worrying about unnecessary stuff such as not having enough friends, dealing with my emotions, and facing difficult people. I even have trouble studying now! Everyone makes studying seemed easy, but to me, it feels so tough all the time!


Maybe, I should learn to be contented in all the small stuff! And joyful in the Lord! 
Here are some pictures to top it off my mundane life... 


Teens Xcite 2012 Valentine Day! 

I miss the old cell! Like how united everyone is! But well, it takes 2 hands to clap... I can totally understand how SY feels when she sees how other cell group are so fun and loving, while ours one like crap. Hope things will turn for the better!

Compassionate; Forgiveness; Salvation!

This is basically how the day goes... This is indeed a mundane life of mine in university so far! I guess I would concentrate on what happened today!
On the 1st Feb, God actually showed me compassionate! We were at the taxi stand today, and a handicapped man was at the road, trying to hail for cab, however no cab stopped for him, and people simply cut his queue! I was upset. Inside me, in fact was boiling and feeling unjust for these people! It's so obvious, and how people should even find their conscience! But at that point of time, we called for a taxi. It came, and we went into it, without caring for that old man with so many plastic bag, handicapped, obviously needs help. Qiuru was right! How different are we from the two ladies that didn't give up the taxi for the man who was in front of them! :'(
After we board the taxi, guilt sets in! It was so overwhelmed... I felt really upset, and even felt like I was unworthy to be in the cab! Is there a point in life that you felt the same way too?
Not giving up seats to elderly? Or even such strong, obvious situations which disrupts your conscience! & I'm starting to doubt if I'm worthy, and capable of being a social worker?

God, I really pray for you to teach me! I want to be as compassionate as you! I want to be more Christlike, and I want to have the spirit of Courage, heart of compassion, to overcome all these! I pray for myself not to be a mouse, but a strong eagle, soaring with justice, upright moral values to serve You and the poor! :"( 

Page 12 of 366: 3rd Day Of School

@$^%*$^#$$#$!$---> These are the first thing that came out of my mind when I step out from the mrt, when I arrived at Kent Ridge. 

$%^%*^%*@%$!%@$%$!#^%#&%^*%^----> These are the first thing that came out of my mind when I step out of Kent Ridge Mrt. 

$%()&%($#^(%$*$_(&*_)(*##)_*%&#(&(%&&$(_#*(#---> These are the first thing that came out of my mind when I'm squeezing into my A Bus.

*$)*#%)&#$^(T(_%$^(_#&_(#@&_(@&(_$&#_(&_(&@#%_(&#$_^---> These are the first thing that came out of my mind when I reached FASS.

@$*@#)*)!&%&!&(&$#_%_@^%*_!$%_(!&(_&_(&_&#_!^@^$*!@&$~@&$#_(&---> These are the thing that came out of my mind when I'm in the lecture. 

As an old saying goes, 

When life gives you lemon, add vodka. 

Trust me, you don't want to lose your sanity.

I just summarized my 3 day in school! There's no words to describe this agony and prolonged melancholy feeling I have within me when I come to school. I know I'm acting like a 3 year old kid, who refuses to go to nursery. I understand that. Trust me, when you have a taste of how university life is like... you would never want to go back. The only thing I take off is the flexible timetable, which means I can go home at 2 to have my afternoon nap, just like when I was in secondary school. Worst take off: Competition, High Stress Level, Loneliness, Bell Curve. Bell curve is a second satan to me. Your energy is easily strained within like 2 days of school... All around you are really friends which you most probably won't see a few years later. Well, I guess that's life. Kids, do treasure your primary, secondary, jc friends. You never know when your friend will turn your back on you. It's not hard to find friends, but you need to step out of your comfort zone, to embrace the differences. After all, university is about independence. 

Fix You.

                 

When you try your best but you don't succeed 

When you get what you want but not what you need 

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep 

Stuck in reverse 

And the tears come streaming down your face 

When you lose something you can't replace 

When you love someone but it goes to waste 

Could it be worse? 

Lights will guide you home 

And ignite your bones 

And I will try to fix you 

And high up above or down below 

When you're too in love to let it go 

But if you never try you'll never know 

Just what you're worth 

Lights will guide you home 

And ignite your bones 

And I will try to fix you 

Tears stream down your face 

When you lose something you cannot replace 

Tears stream down your face 

And I 

Tears stream down your face 

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes 

Tears stream down your face 

And I 

Lights will guide you home 

And ignite your bones 

And I will try to fix you

Page 3 of 366

Are my days going to waste? Day 3 of 366, yet I'm still at home... doing nothing! 

God, I'm feeling so stressed about my CORS bidding! It feels like I'm being left alone all by myself, to face the new environment, lecture, and everything! :( I'm once again, afraid to step out of my comfort zone! I don't know why! I'm scared to face everything alone. I'm afraid to go into lectures, feeling lonely! #foreveralone Why am I reacting like this? I use to be that brave girl who went to TS lecture alone, but I lied! In fact, I hate the fact that I need to go lecture, feeling so insecure, with the fear that I might sit alone! That's why I skipped so many lectures! Well, we do have to face all these troubles alone. 

Where's the courageous girl I used to see?

Praying that the NUS cell would bring me a better lives, and of course to live in a community! Afterall, I love being in His Love, and His community! :)