Or maybe I'm just a sour bitch who doesn't deserved to be love? I feel really sad. I'm sorry it spiraled this way... But mostly, I feel like nobody appreciates me. It's like nobody likes me. Nobody enjoy my presence. Nobody loves me. Mostly? I feel so lonely. Whenever I'm out, I see people with ringing messages, flooding whatsappes while my phone just remained empty... Like it doesn't even need to be charged? I hate nights like this when I feel absolutely worthless. Can I even get a tinge of hope that my presence is important to someone? I am clueless. Sometimes I want a boyfriend badly. It's a turmoil inside whenever people mention/talks about boys/boyfriend/eye candy. I'm like turning into an awkward tortoise inside me. I really wished a black hole would just sucked me to planet XYZ so I could avoid it. I know it's simply wrong to want to have one to fill that empty void. But ain't that worth it, at least, half the void would be filled? At least I wouldn't need to have so many lunches alone? At least I wouldn't need to pretend to be cool that I didn't have one & that God timing is perfect. Who am I kidding? I'm freaking turning 22 soon. P.s: My mom gave birth to me when she was 23. Soon my biological clock would fail me and I probably would end up giving birth to kids with defects? People around me are getting hitched, flirted by, blah blah... I don't even have an interesting story to tell... ! I don't even have anyone coming forward to tell me I'm gorgeous and they are interested to know me. My social circle is pathetically small! I'm honestly, truthfully worried for my future. I'm really lying when I said I'm patient. I know I'm not perfect and God, why can't I fall and learn along the way? Just give me a heartbreak & I would appreciate the final one! My anxious heart wouldn't stop longing for a secure belonging. Please teach me your ways and calm my waves of anxiety.
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