Addressing Personal Issues
Lately, God has been speaking to me. I know His good intentions for me. Some bad habits, some people I should forgive, and let go, some things to be forgotten, and wait patiently for His timing and everything, some feelings I should not breed. Indeed, God has been good so far even though holidays has become plain and boring for me because I am doing nothing. Simply nothing productive enough to even generate ant brain chemicals. Back to topic, there are personal issues which I should solve.
1) Jealousy Kills
This is real bad. I know jealousy in a little portion is good. But sometimes, I seemed to get jealous over really mundane mundane issues! Since young, I've always got this one-or-one policy which I created myself, which is that for everything people lend from me, I must get something back from them or either way. Bottom point- I CAN'T SHARE!
Since I was really young, I just feel that nothing can be shared. I must get the best out of everything! I must make sure I'm not losing any advantage! I want others to care for me. This used to be strong! It's like selfishness, and self-centred mixing to brew a really dangerous potion when released could hurt. Not only am I hurting myself, but my relationships with others!
Application: Learning to look at others' need, and not mine.
Great website to explore& understand about Jealousy.http://deeptruths.com/treasures/jealousy.html
2) Impulsive Behaviour
I am really really impulsive. I do not heed others' advice if I feel I am right! Well, my sister is partially right! Due to our upbringing, to some extent, has affected our personality. Since young, we are always in our own world, creating our own rules! When we are right, or when we want things our way, we make sure we get it! It's like even if it's dangerous or whatsoever wrong way, we just want to head towards it.
My Bangkok Trip! :'(
I somehow kind of regretted it. First, booked due to first reason above. Next, I did not consider lots of factors. For a spur moment, I acted based on my feelings and booked the tickets. No ending. Third, I did not tell my parents. I feel really regretful. And I did make some mistakes when booking...which I shall not go further into yeah...! Well, therefore it is indeed a mistakes and even before the trip, I feel so insecure, missing Sinren, and just want to be with my family! Really don't intend to spend any money there. I hope time flies there so I could get back as soon as possible! I MEANT IT! If it weren't for the money, I wouldn't even be interested in going any more, and it's like gripping me every moment. I just want it to end ASAP! Oh God, please let it END as quickly as possible! And be back safe & sound! I miss everything in Singapore even before I fly. A trip I'm not looking forward to which got me so paranoid and into so much unnecessary troubles. Shall stop ranting.
Application: STOP IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR, and listen to God's still voice.
3) Forgetting People
Some people I can't forget, it's like even the slightest thing I do, might have the intentions of wanting something which I know is wrong, unhealthy for my emotions. I'm already trying my best, but the brain keep rewinding itself, which is HELLO, can't we just shut it off like a on and off button?
Application: Have more Godly thoughts to occupy my mind.
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