04/03/2012 Quarreling or Misunderstanding?

Is it childishness? Is it anger? Is it jealousy? Is it misunderstanding? Is it perception? Is it narrow-minded? I don't even remember why already? All I could recall was I was mad at you, because you seemed so pissed and angsty when I merely asked you about something simple. 

03/03/2012 Every Saturday Is a Church Day

I just realised I've been spending every Saturday with Church! Sometimes, I wonder where will I be without church? Then again, I most probably would be stuck at home? Most of my friends are not really goers? We meet once in a blue moon? Maybe purple moon? ( Lousy Joke ) I love church, & there's no way I can be apart from it, well unless something serious happens? But, I guess nothing can separate me now. 


I guess I was rather more touched for teensxcite than I am for night service for once! I thought what was preached was pretty relevant! Pastor R talking about how being Doers of the world. 
Sometimes, I do feel like I'm paying lip service to God. Sinner indeed. It's so easy to get caught up in the culture, and lose track of where Jesus is in our life. Is He the centre of the things we do? Or is He only present on Saturday? And we, with no denial, had once or sometime in life, allow the twisting of God's truth. We tell ourselves, yes, it's alright to do this today... God is graceful, He forgives which is true? But we do not even try to tempt and give ourselves excuses. We in this case, blame God, for temptations but the bible tells us.... We tempt ourselves. 

James 1:13-14 (NIV) When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desires, he is dragged away and enticed.


Suddenly, here I am struggling with my sins. They are really unhealthy. 

Matthew 12:36-37  ³⁶ But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. ³⁷ For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Suddenly, it felt like God was telling me to stop, and watch what I speak. I know sometimes I may come off as a bit straight, rude, hurtful and loud. Or sometimes unworthy, or even of the unholy things that I should refrain from. Even if they are jokes, or harmless but they are of the world! The same mouth that praise the Lord shouldn't be spurring vulgarities right? 

He also reminded me of the hanging relationship I have. I actually felt the holy spirit stirring something in me, that made me remind of this person, & I felt a lil' painful. I hope that's the Spirit healing me! 

TGIF has so much to plan! Just praying praying praying! 

Right now, in my very comfy pyjamas, I'm just gonna get knocked out any minute! 

Goodnight. XX

02/03/2012 Temptation.

This is the hardest thing on earth.
Choosing to flee from Temptations, or to resist it.

01/03/2012 Better Days

Isn't it FAST? I mean it's March, like finally! :) Something about March that's so beautiful! 

It's my birthday month! :) I shall love every part of it! 

First March Two-Oh-One-Two

Daddy's Birthday!(I just realised I'm the only person that looks neither like my dad nor my mom! Maybe I'm adopted?)

& my rabbit, Coco. 

(Disclaimation: No animal abuse! We do let her out to roam around the house! See, there's food inside her bowl! Plus she's super picky, she don't eat yellow ones!)  

29/02/2012 Leap Day

4 Years ago, I was watching Leap Years with my secondary school friends. We wanted to do something special, so we went to watch Leap Years on Leap Day. 


What would I be doing this year? 
I have no idea. Right now, it's 2:14AM. 
I just finished my philosophy summary which is crap, and done with a simple research to simply contribute to the group. I'm a very nice person, really. But when I hate something, I would always try my best to avoid it at all cost. 


I'm feeling really horrible. Like sick or what? Love Sick again, or it's for real this time again? 

Most of the time, I get sick because something happens to my heart. It's true, I'm not lying. 

I don't want my feelings to get attached again! Why can't I just forget?
It's not like I want us to be back together again, yet I don't want to lose contact with each other? 
Friends? Like Real. Why does it take so hard to forget someone? 
Sometimes, I feel so lonely, and I think his the only person that will take me. 
I'm that insecure. I feel that nobody would ever wants me again, other than him. 
So, I hang on tight, tight to him.
& I just want to know, he still holds on to me too, even though I know clearly, he doesn't really wants to be with me any more. 
The empty hour glass wore us thin. 
I don't know why I'm this insecure. 
Sometimes, I'm really scared that there's no one for me in future. I mean I'm 20/single. Am I the leftovers? I know we were taught in Him that God has prepared someone for us, but most of the time, I doubt. I know, we cannot determine our identity in how many boys love us, and thus determining our values. But it feels good to know someone love us, and values us? My patience, sometimes, at the wrong time, love to be running out. 
All around are couples. How can I try my best to pretend I don't care, and want someone to value me as much as I love them?
God, can you teach how to forget?
My hormones didn't mean to lead astray, & end up falling in love with him.
Now that I did, all I can is regret as much as I want to say I missed the feeling of being valued by him... and how much I might even mean to him. 

27/02/2012 Can You Believe my Recess week ended?

I really have no idea what happened during recess week! It's like a blink of an eye. (cliché but true.) I don't even remember what happened to me? 
Monday-No idea
Tuesday-No idea, met up with Sinren for supper @ Mac.
Wednesday- Cell Meeting
Thursday-Watched Spring Awakening ( Awesome Max!)
Friday-白米粉 for dinner, and a lil shopping with my family! 
Saturday-Church 
Sunday-Packed my room

A simple dinner at Food For Thoughts before watching the musical play! 


An hour becomes a minute during holidays! Wait, I didn't even get a chance to make-up and head down to town for a great dinner? 


Just praying that I can at least have some aspirations? Now that I know I want to be a social worker, I think I should at least have some aim about how to improve myself to become an all-rounded social worker? Or ways to improve myself? Maybe learning guitar to worship God? Or even to become more involve in school activities by joining social work club? Why am I so lazy? I don't know why, but I've found no motivation in school at all! Like no joke! I can't even bring myself to study... Maybe 20 is a cursed age when my IQ just deteriorates? I really have no idea why I can't study? I was so hard-working in junior college, but all that motivations seemed to go down to the drain. I hope I wake up soon, since yeah... once again gpa is a bitch. Well, God, if this is where you want me to go, at least help to give me some spirit of motivation!





Till then... I really want to enjoy life while I can. Here's a picture of me... climbing some stone... oh yeah... it represents me wanting to reach a greater height in life. #bullshitIsay

Waffles For Supper

WafflesforSupper.

26/02/2012 Oh How Time Flies.

I have not been working as hard as I should in University, not mentioning how disgracing my GPA is for the first semester, & honestly, I do not even have the faith to believe if it is possible for my CAP to be pulled up... I mean after all it's harder to pull up than to pull down. I honestly hate how all my posts are all sad and emotional and all, but I can't help all these negative feelings just flow through me... Maybe, the devil is trying to attack. 
After I stepped into University, I have not been leading my life well. I'm being led by my emotions most of the time, and I'm always worrying about unnecessary stuff such as not having enough friends, dealing with my emotions, and facing difficult people. I even have trouble studying now! Everyone makes studying seemed easy, but to me, it feels so tough all the time!


Maybe, I should learn to be contented in all the small stuff! And joyful in the Lord! 
Here are some pictures to top it off my mundane life... 


Teens Xcite 2012 Valentine Day! 

I miss the old cell! Like how united everyone is! But well, it takes 2 hands to clap... I can totally understand how SY feels when she sees how other cell group are so fun and loving, while ours one like crap. Hope things will turn for the better!

Compassionate; Forgiveness; Salvation!

This is basically how the day goes... This is indeed a mundane life of mine in university so far! I guess I would concentrate on what happened today!
On the 1st Feb, God actually showed me compassionate! We were at the taxi stand today, and a handicapped man was at the road, trying to hail for cab, however no cab stopped for him, and people simply cut his queue! I was upset. Inside me, in fact was boiling and feeling unjust for these people! It's so obvious, and how people should even find their conscience! But at that point of time, we called for a taxi. It came, and we went into it, without caring for that old man with so many plastic bag, handicapped, obviously needs help. Qiuru was right! How different are we from the two ladies that didn't give up the taxi for the man who was in front of them! :'(
After we board the taxi, guilt sets in! It was so overwhelmed... I felt really upset, and even felt like I was unworthy to be in the cab! Is there a point in life that you felt the same way too?
Not giving up seats to elderly? Or even such strong, obvious situations which disrupts your conscience! & I'm starting to doubt if I'm worthy, and capable of being a social worker?

God, I really pray for you to teach me! I want to be as compassionate as you! I want to be more Christlike, and I want to have the spirit of Courage, heart of compassion, to overcome all these! I pray for myself not to be a mouse, but a strong eagle, soaring with justice, upright moral values to serve You and the poor! :"(